I'm bulletproof, I'm bulletproof.
That's what I'm drilled everyday here.
The place they call it home,
but I guess it's no longer the same anymore.
being forced to live in such a mature family,
prevents you from acting your age.
the generational gap eats you up,
you're judged and faulted for almost everything.
That is where I live and breathe in.

It's the final lap now.
I get no support, but instead words of aggravation.
"prove me wrong with your results then"
"why do I always see you with your phone?"
"have you been studying?"
I really hate how reverse psychology is being used on me.
and I hate to say this, but I really hate how others,
can have it easy for them.
A conducive studying environment at home,
a heartwarming,loving and supportive family,
and their own will to do well.
This ain't just about results here.
it's like I'm fighting my own war,with the odds 1:1million.
And that 1 million includes MY FAMILY.
so how awesome is that?
I'm studying so hard everyday to prove my loved ones WRONG.
facing hurling words at me whenever they feel like.
they call this home?
I'm slowly disliking this place more and more.
I want to be alone so very badly.

still as interesting as day one.
lighting up every single day of mine.
hehehehehehe heheheheheh.
and I can't explain what kinda feeling is this.

im emotional, too emotional at times.
i have to admit to that.
i hate it.
i hate the cycle of making friends.
coz you never know if they are genuinely sincere
second, you never know if they are gonna leave
i get too attached to people easily.
very very easily.
i talk to almost everyone.
and when i get particularly closer to someone,
i get "attached" to them,
and when they leave, somehow,
i get too overwhelmed by it and i'll have a bleak as ever view of the cycle.
i hate this.
sometimes i wonder,
why cant people be like me, (not being ego here)
why cant people be brave enough to be real.
this is taking a toll on me seriously.
sick of shit.

grape and apple juice! (:

I would want to believe that one day
someone would fall head over heels with me
enough to want to marry me.
:(

crying like a wuss now.
came home after night lecture from six to nine,
and was damn motivated to do work,
and happy at how I got back my drive to work hard for this stretch,
until I came home to the place with zero support,
zero support to see me through this really tough lap,
Sis been on this 40episode serial
and doesn't realize how distracting is it for me, and then suddenly,
I remembered what bro said to me,
"how you know you won't fail again?"
thanks.

You know that kind of feeling,
in which you fight so hard and realized you're all alone?
and how the school principal said that you should do it with your family's support,
and I have none?
I feel so alone, very alone.
crying non stop and it breaks my heart.
well, it's like a stretchable rubber,
It stretches so much, that one day it will just snap.
I hope I won't snap, but it seems like it will sooner or later.

great day out with sylvie darling.
church in the morning then a chick flick with the chick!
comfy and happy feeling!
and we're so similar in various ways, and that one particular one we always harp on.
ate like a cow today, literally a cow.
so much that no one can believe due to my sheer size.
hate it :/
well, im learning how to feel more comfy with my height already.
reason to substantiate that, i bought flats. yes flats.
if you know me, i get rather insecure without heels.
coz the world's literally above me.

believe it or not,
after my 2 long days of weekend,
i cant wait to jump back at my books,
coz i just want to get over and done with them.
"i want you to study" by sylvie hit me real hard.
and motivates me to do well!
she cant wait to have all the fun with me after As.
love love her very very bery much.
toodles folks, have a great week ahead.

me, myself and I ..
need to learn to speak softer
need to learn to stop yaking
need to be less gung-ho
need to learnt to keep my comments to myself
need to be more demure
need to be less sloppy
need to learn to walk properly
need to learn to sit properly
need to be thrifty
sis said i need to behave coz i behave like a auntie.
Le Sigh.

want to do covers so badlyyyyyyy
le sigh.